Waiting for Mercury

I have been trying to write down my thoughts in all these days but have not succeeded. With all the thoughts I have I could write many posts from here to the Moon and back. 

My mind can go at the speed of lightening but for years now Neptune has shrouded my synapsis in a permanent lake fog.

But life has been happening fast. Keeps happening fast.

Chaotically fast. 

Mesmerising fast.

Sometimes I am blessed if I succeed to breath deeply and slowly.

Sometimes I feel I am riding the flow and synchronicity just blossom like fungi in the forest after the rain.

Sometimes I derail and I feel tossed by my own fears, smashed hard against core believes that stand solidly in time and generations.

Sometimes I cry for the pure bliss of feeling loved and cared by from the Universe.

Sometimes I cry for sheer exhaustion of facing continually my own insecurities and fears like a broken bulgur siren in the middle of the night that no one switches off.

Since Mercury entered its shadow I have been playing the wait and see game. I am doing a live astrological experiment.

And the experiment is my life.

It is incredible how many things have happened in such a condensed period of time. How many people I have encountered, just out of the blues, that could help shift my future and my life especially whilst I was in Malta.

A barrage of information keeps coming my way. Some of it makes me worry much more than I usually do and some of it gives me hope.

I am still meeting people here in Italy.

Some believe in me more than I do. They can see my awesome future where I can see only pitch dark. They can see that unique me that can contribute something to the society.

Whilst others like to play hyper realistic and I tend to resonate with them.

Then there are others that like to play the very pessimistic stance…that is I like to pull you down because I can’t pull myself up.

In all this I have succeeded for now to keep my horses still although they have muscle spasms for all the need they have to move.

I am waiting….

Tomorrow Mercury goes direct just as I have three full important “corporate” days. 

I get to finally meet new people that have entered the game. And old ones that have been forced to change roles, like it or not.

I will still play the wait and see game especially since power dynamics have changed and by nature I am curious how these powers will come at play.

Many will be hidden.

My role is to observe and avoid being stabbed.

A year ago, during same “corporate” days, I vomited the hell out of me and it dawned upon me that I do not belong anymore to where I still am.

So many things have happened since last year.

However the story isn’t finished yet.

Mercury will get out of its shadow on the 14th February.

Probably then I will know the story I will need to know. 

And probably then time for decisions will come but that’s another story I owe to Uranus.